5 ways to discipline children without smacking.

5 WAYS TO DISCIPLINE CHILDREN WITHOUT SMACKING - BY MICHAEL GROSE

The issue of smacking as a discipline method has reared its head once more. Recently, Channel’s 9’s 60 Minutes showed a segment on smacking claiming that 3 in 4 Australian parents hit their kids to keep them in line.

As I have stated in my blog I am quite surprised by this high proportion of parents who still lay claim to using smacking as a discipline measure. Sure, there isn’t a parent around who hasn’t felt like smacking when they are on the receiving end of their children’s poor, challenging or uncooperative behaviour. We have all experienced such anger and frustration but to actually lay claim to smacking being a legitimate discipline tool is a very different thing.

My advice is to leave smacking out of your discipline toolkit. Smacking usually involves a lack of skill. Look for alternative skills that you can use. Practise the alternatives in low stress situations so that when you are under stress (when we are under stress we tend to revert to our lowest levels of skill), you will respond differently.

Here are five alternatives to use rather than smacking:
Avoid the first impulse: Often your first impulsive reaction will actually encourage a poor behaviour to continue. Do something different or out of left-field. Sometimes kids will behave poorly to test you out, to gain a little attention or just to show you that you can’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. When we respond impulsively we often reinforce their goals.

Take a break yourself: Sometimes it is better to leave a situation temporarily if you feel you are about to break. Make sure children are safe and take a break for a time to regain some perspective. Find a place in your house, such as the bathroom, where you can have some space or even go outside where children’s poor behaviour never seems as bad.

The thinking spot: There are times when children need to be given the opportunity to reflect on their poor behaviour. Every house needs a ‘thinking spot’, that is a place where children can go to think about what they have done and how their behaviour may affect others. The ‘thinking spot’ doesn’t have to be in a bedroom – it can be a chair or a step in a public space. The key is to establish ‘the thinking space’ concept when everyone is calm, not at the point of anger.

Consequential learning: When kids are less than perfect we need to move into action rather then verbal mode but the action doesn’t have to be a smack. Let kids experience the consequences of their actions so babies who kick their legs on the change table can be quickly removed rather than smacked.

Toddlers who play jack-in-the-box in the bath can be taken out of the bath. Young children who refuse to clean away their toys can have them removed by the ‘silent maid’ for a day or two. Kids who throw tantrums will learn that their parents will disappear. Let consequences do their magic rather than physical force.

Ignore some of the poor stuff and catch them being good: Parenting young children is not dissimilar to training a young puppy where you need to ignore much of their poor behaviour while praising the good stuff. If you do ignore poor behaviour (and some of it you cannot ignore) then you really need to withdraw your attention and place it elsewhere.

Then you must become really expert at catching kids doing the right thing and reflect back to them verbally (tell them what they have done well), visually (smile and let your face light up) and physically (a pat on the back or a hug will always amplify praise) what they have done well.

From my perspective those parents who rely on smacking usually lack the skills and tools to deal with children when their behaviour is less than perfect. The good part is that skills can easily be learned. Adults, like children, can learn new behaviours and skills to help them become better, more effective parents